Can what you worked so hard to become keep you from becoming who you can be? Part I

I’m bored. I’m restless. I’m uncomfortable. And this is a question I’ve wrestled with for months. The premise is that while our identities – both those ascribed to us by others through our life and career and those we claim and hold dear as self-concept – are foundational to the person we are as well as to the career and financial successes we’ve earned, we may need to shed them as we move into the next act of our biopic. Life changes dramatically when we enter life’s latter stages (that can stretch to decades) after our peak achievement years. According to SSA’s actuarial table, a boomer male retiring at the normal age of 66 has a life expectancy of 17.09 years, a female 19.55 years.

It is easy to get stuck in our past and ignore current realities. Clinging too firmly to what we’ve been can – and likely will – result in disappointment at the least with more severe possibilities looming, such as isolation, loss of identity, feelings of hopelessness, depression and failing health. So what do those of us who need to be needed or have the need to achieve do? As you might suspect, experts agree there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Regardless of the circumstances with which we left the familiarity and comfort of the workplace, our world is going to change. We can feel threatened by whatever losses we incur or encouraged by the opportunities the future holds. If we are fortunate, we will find a new identity to embrace. If we’ve been a ruler, perhaps it is time to become a servant. If we’ve been a servant, perhaps it is time to be captain of our ship.

I envy those who can sail blissfully into retirement and find contentment in leisure pursuits. I wish them joy and happiness. For those of us not interested in the “golden years” idea, voluntarism can provide the meaning in purpose our happy lives require. Others will need to find a “second act” occupation, either full or part time. I am likely in this cohort but am open to exploration of permanent retirement. At the heart of the matter, I liked being contributor, albeit a modest one, to our nation’s economy. And call me Crazy Rick as my friend OJ did during our college days, but I felt good about paying a portion of my earnings as taxes to support schools, public services, national and local defense and all the other governmental functions that have made our nation the greatest land of opportunity in all of history.

Two years ago, I read a book given to me by a client (one he gave to his management team) that asked a haunting question: “When was the last time you did something for the first time?” Other than the myriad insignificant ways we do “firsts,” coaching high school track and cross country athletes was the only thing I could come up with – and that had been three years ago at the time. Now seems a good time to discover something new, interesting and fulfilling for what could be the penultimate what’s next.

Lately I have been clearing out stuff in the basement – which means going through tons of client binders, files and memorabilia from an entire lifetime. It has been both a laborious, unpleasant exercise and a wonderful stroll down memory lane. To give you an idea of my packrat credentials, I kept every canceled check I had written since high school until two years ago. Every item I ran across reminded me of someone, a story, fond memory or a time or an experience that made me smile and feel proud, nostalgic or happy. A few revealed me in my lesser self. Everything connected me to either an attributed or self-proclaimed identity. The number of titles, labels and identities one can accumulate amazed me. Some are inherited; some are given to us by what we do or are at various stages of life, and some are the way we choose to think of ourselves. I’m giving a lot of thought to those identities and have concluded many are no longer useful and some never were.

My metaphor for clearing the way to future growth is rooted in three visits to a particular trail in Rocky Mountain National Forest: The first when it was fully forested with giant pines and low growth vegetation; the second shortly after a forest fire left it in smoldering charcoal stumps and scorched earth; and the third approximately 10 years later during its beautiful transformation into mountain meadows with saplings, grasses and wild flowers. The ecosystem was completely different from the first visit and in many ways more spectacular and interesting. I can’t bear to make a “Bonfire of My Identities” or eliminate all vestiges of the work I’ve done or memories I hold dear. Some of my identities exist at the soul level – and I will rely on them to remind me of who I am and want to be wherever the path leads. So my plan is for a controlled burn of identities and artifacts no longer relevant or helpful to discovering the what’s next.

Below is a quickly compiled list of what I was called, did or aspired to be at various stages of life. Most, if not all, served their purpose to varying degree. After all, we need building blocks in life and work. We also need to know when and how to adapt and move forward. There is always risk in letting go of something secure. But there is greater risk in standing still. The identities I’ve easily put behind me are indicated by a strike-through. Most require no explanation other than they were preparatory for a future stage of life or career. Some deserve an explanation down the road in a Part II or even Part III. And some are way more difficult than they might appear on surface. I have more sorting to do.

Identity Categories

Stage of Life: Baby, Boy Toddler, Child, Teen Male, Man, Kindergartener, Pupil, Student, Adult, Senior citizen

Family/Relationships: Son, Brother, Nephew, Cousin, Husband, Uncle, Father, Parent, PaPa, Friend, Boy friend, Acquaintance, Stranger, Employee, Co-worker, Colleague, Mentor, Volunteer, Officiant

Career/Work: Newspaper boy, Farm worker, Gas station attendant, File clerk, Assembly line worker, Weed crew worker, Construction worker, Retail liquor store sales, Retail advertising and marketing director, Hotel marketing director, Hotel public relations director, Creative, Writer, Designer, Content Provider, Entrepreneur (marketing communications agency), High school track coach, High school XC coach, Nontrepreneur, Retiree

Affiliations/Community: American, Kansan, DeSoto native, Christian, Methodist Church, Seeker, American Baptist, Disciples of Christ, Child of God, Masonic Lodge, Scottish Rite, Boy Scouts of America, Democratic Party, Republican Party, RINO, KU Jayhawk, UDK Advertising Staff, Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity, University of Kansas Alumni Association, Plaza Club, USA Track & Field

 Aspirations: Farmer, Tycoon, Millionaire, Olympian, KU Football Player, Astronaut, Adventurer, Musician, Eagle Scout, God & Country Award-winner, Renaissance Man,
Cattle baron, Lawyer, Accountant

Names/Labels/Traits:  Homer’s Boy, Ricky, Richard, Rick, Runner, Climber, Sprinter, Boy Scout, Eagle Scout, God & Country Award recipient, Child of God, Baseball player, Athlete, Actor, Diabetes Patient, Cancer Patient, Masters Track Sprinter, Scout Oath virtues, Encourager, Citizen